Upsides of a COVID Thanksgiving


Grace Koch, Staff Reporter

As we all know, Thanksgiving is the only time where whoever eats the most wins (I am usually the winner). This year may look a little different, but I want to focus on the upsides. 

For high school students, Thanksgiving with extended family is really an interrogation of the never ending questions: Do you have a boyfriend? Where are you going to college? What are you going to do with your life? If you’re a vegetarian, why are you starving yourself? This year, you can avoid all of that. You can put off going through the utter terror of bringing your boyfriend to meet the extended family (and he doesn’t have to get cross-examined by scary Uncle Rudy). You don’t have to weasel out of uncomfortable conversations with creepy Uncle Larry, and you don’t have to abide by Aunt Alice’s strict dress code, which means avoiding the embarrassing unbuttoning of the pants maneuver under the table. 

Since you’re not under Grandma’s watchful eye, you are free to throw food with reckless abandon and smash a pie in someone’s face (both of which are regular occurrences in my house). You get to escape the four hours of fighting with your siblings in the car while starving and really needing to use the restroom. You can say goodbye to the chaos that follows feuding family football. This year, there are no eggshells to walk on. You don’t have to go through the checklist of family-friendly topics and what not to say. For example, why doesn’t Cousin Tom have a job yet, and why is he still living in Aunt Susan’s basement; and boy, Aunt Peggy’s really packed on pounds. You get more dessert to yourself, don’t have to eat food you don’t like, and, most importantly, you don’t have to pretend to eat a piece of Grandpa’s mystery dessert. There are fewer dishes, which means a happier Mom, and you get to bypass pretending that Uncle Lou isn’t totally hammered. 

All joking aside, we need to take safety precautions to stay safe this Thanksgiving. As per Governor Carney’s latest press release, make sure to only have ten people gathering in any given place at one time. If you do hold family gatherings, I have some advice for ways to do so in a safe, fun fashion. 

 **Disclaimer: The following advice is not scientific nor is it meant to be taken as actual safety advice.

  • If you’re having extended family over, don’t forget to put your mask on in between bites and install your plexiglass barrier down the middle of your Thanksgiving table. 
  • Maybe consider giving everyone their own individually wrapped apple pie. 
  • If it’s a buffet-style affair, make sure to hold your breath while you fill your plates!
  • And if you have to sneeze… hold it. 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone; I hope you win at eating!